How to move on
by Linda1
Summary: One of the Roswell-characters is in a lot of pain. How will she move on? Please read and tell me if I should continue!
1. Default Chapter

**Authors notes: I just felt like writing something one night and this is what it became. Maybe it triggers someone's interest. It's a sad story and all I can tell you is that's it about one of the characters in Roswell. **

How to move on 

I have never felt this much pain before in my whole life.

It's like I'm slowly dying of pain. Because I can't even think about going on with my life after what has happened. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and smashed into a hundred pieces. And then it's been put back again, each piece hurting and crying.

This sound so cliché, I know. But I guess I didn't realize that that's actually is how it feels. How could I have realized? I've never been in a situation before, where I just want to get out of the world and not come back until it's free from all heartache. 

"Are you feeling okay?" a friend of mine asks. I want to scream that I'm so far away from okay as anyone can be. I want to say that I want to get out of this world right now. That I hate myself for what I did and for what I've become.  

"Yeah, I'm okay," I answer.

"I want you to know that you can talk to me about what you're feeling," my friend continues.

I can't talk to anyone about this. Nobody would understand. Or at least that's what I tell myself. All of my friends are the best you can imagine. And they would probably all understand. Or at least try to. But I'm not ready to talk about it. I can't tell them about the guilt I feel, because then it would all become so real. They would tell me that I shouldn't blame myself and I would blame myself even more. Nothing they could say would make me feel any better.

"I know," I lie again. I feel like being alone. I can't stand all the people mourning around me. "Would you take me home?" I ask another one of my friends. "I don't have my car, because you know…" I stop myself when I think about it.

"Of course I'll take you home. I can't stand being around here anymore anyway. Too dark you know?"

"I know," I answer. It's way too dark and depressing. My friend gives me my jacket and together we move towards the exit. 

"Call me tomorrow okay?" someone say from behind me. I slowly nod, not even turning around to see who it is. I would recognize that voice anywhere…

The drive home is silent. Both of us of in our own thoughts, although probably similar thoughts. We both think about what we've lost and how we should move on. In my thoughts I don't move on. I go back in time to the part of my life that was filled with love and joy. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot to be grateful about now too, but it doesn't seem like much right now.

The car stops and I get out. 

"Do you want me to stay with you tonight?" my friend asks.

I would rather be alone, but I know what I would do if I were. And I know that's not the solution. I can't hurt people by doing that.

"Would you?" I ask.

"Of course…"

I cry myself to sleep. My friend lying beside me, holding me. Not in a way two friends shouldn't hold each other, but in a way two friends should. I feel that it's good that I'm not alone. If I were, I probably would never get to see another day…

TBC?    Should I continue? I don't know if this is any good, but I thought I'd post it anyway. Anywaz, hope you liked it.


	2. Feelings of Guilt

**Feelings of Guilt**

The next day I wake up and smile cause it's a new and bright morning.

Then I see my friend and I remember why he's there. I remember what happened three nights ago.

"Could you sleep any?" my friend asks. I smile at him and answer.

"Actually I slept more than I've done since…" I stop myself and look at him.

"Since the accident," he finishes for me.

"Yeah…the accident," I say and sigh. Even though I didn't consider it to be an accident.

"That's all it was," he says. "An accident. He reaches forward and touches my arm gently.

"Thanks for saying that Max. It means a lot to me that you don't blame me, even though I blame myself."

"Please don't say that," Max said. "What happened wasn't your fault. And nobody blames you."

"Well I do," I said and got up from the bed. I decided that we shouldn't talk about this anymore, cause I would just start crying again.

"Let's go get something to eat," I said to change the subject.

"I'll fix it," Max offered.

"Actually I think we're going to have to eat out. I haven't shopped for days. There's nothing to make."

"What have you been eating the last couple of days then?" Max asked worriedly.

"I haven't," I answered simply.

"Well, then I suggest that we go to the Crashdown and get us a big plate with all the alien-themed breakfeast they have," Max said and I actually cracked a smile…

When we got to the Crashdown the place was almost empty. That was really surprising to see for a change. School didn't start until tomorrow so the place should be full.

I saw Liz approach us.

"Hey guys," she said and hugged us both. "How are you holding up?"

"We're okay," Max answered and smiled at her. "You?"

"I'm okay. I wish that there would be more people here though. It would help keep my mind of things."

"I understand Liz, I feel the same way. We all need to think of happier things. Like breakfeast," Max said.

"So what can I get you?" Liz asked and smiled at us.

"We'll take everything breakfast-related," Max said and led me to a booth in a corner.

"Then I'll be right back," Liz said and went to get the food.

After a few minutes Liz came back with the food and sat down with us. Then we were joined with the rest of the gang.

"It feels weird sitting here without him," Isabel said and looked sad. "Yeah. First we had to get used to the lack of Alex and now this," Kyle said and sent a worried lock my way. "Are you feeling okay?" he asked me.

"Well, no I don't feel okay, but it feels good to sit here with all of you and remember Michael. I just can't get this image out of my head," I explained to them.

"What image?" Tess asked gently.

"The memory of him lying in the car, his life being sucked out of him."

I shivered at the thought. And it was my fault that he'd laid there, I knew that.

"Maria, I can't promise you that the image will ever go away," Max said. "I can just tell you to try and find a good image of Michael and think of that instead."

"Thanks but I've tried that. Sometimes it works, sometimes it don't," I said and felt tears sting my eyes again. But I was not going to cry in front of my friends right now. They were hurting to and they didn't need me to go all crazy on them.

"I have to go to the bathroom," I explained before I rushed off…

TBC… Please give me feedback!


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